The Mask of Denial: Toxic Positivity and Spiritual Bypassing

What is toxic positivity?

Toxic positivity is a term that has gained traction in recent years, highlighting the detrimental effects of excessive optimism and the denial of negative emotions. While positivity is generally seen as a desirable trait, toxic positivity takes it to an extreme, where people feel pressured to maintain a facade of happiness and optimism at all times, even in the face of genuine struggles and challenges. This relentless focus on positivity can lead to the suppression of authentic emotions, creating a false sense of well-being that ultimately undermines mental and emotional health.

Said another way, the more we push our negative feelings down, the more they actually affect us. Try as we might, if we invalidate ourselves or others by pushing away any negative feelings instead of expressing them in some way—whether that’s through talking, journaling, artmaking, meditating, or crying, those feelings don’t go anywhere. They just continue living inside you, and find some other way to be expressed—usually in unhealthy ways.

Spiritual bypassing: toxic positivity’s cousin

Spiritual bypassing is a concept that often goes hand in hand with toxic positivity. It refers to the tendency to use spiritual beliefs or practices as a way to avoid dealing with uncomfortable emotions or unresolved issues. Instead of confronting and working through difficult feelings, people may use spiritual ideologies as a means of escaping reality or bypassing the necessary inner work. This can create a superficial sense of peace or enlightenment that masks deeper emotional turmoil and prevents true healing and growth.

Both spiritual bypassing and toxic positivity are defense mechanisms designed to lessen the pain and difficulty that is a natural part of life. They use a type of denial that shields us but also impedes our growth. Whatever protects inhibits. If you wear a suit of armor, no arrows will get you, but it will be hard to swim across the moat.

How do toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing relate to denial?

Denial, whether in the form of toxic positivity or spiritual bypassing, can have severe consequences for personal development and well-being. By refusing to acknowledge and address negative emotions, people hinder their ability to process and learn from challenging experiences. This can lead to a cycle of unresolved issues, emotional repression, and a lack of authentic self-awareness. Ultimately, denial can prevent you from achieving actual growth and fulfillment in your life.

Whatever protects inhibits.

Toxic positivity: how to recognize the signs

Recognizing the signs of toxic positivity in daily life is crucial for breaking free from its harmful effects. Some common indicators include dismissing or minimizing negative emotions, avoiding difficult conversations or situations, and pressuring oneself or others to always look on the bright side. By becoming aware of these behaviors, you can begin to challenge the toxic positivity mindset and cultivate a more balanced and authentic approach to negative or difficult emotions.

Similarly, by using spiritual beliefs as a shield against emotional pain, you may experience a sense of disconnection from your true self and a lack of genuine emotional intimacy with others. This can lead to feelings of emptiness, anxiety, and depression, as well as difficulties in forming meaningful relationships and finding true fulfillment. Addressing spiritual bypassing is essential for promoting mental well-being and fostering genuine self-growth.

The importance of overcoming denial of negative emotions

Overcoming denial, whether in the form of toxic positivity or spiritual bypassing, requires a willingness to confront and work through uncomfortable emotions. This process can be challenging, but it is essential for true healing and growth. 

We can overcome denial by embracing authenticity and practicing mindfulness, seeking therapy, counseling or coaching, journaling to process emotions, and engaging in self-reflection and introspection. Doing activities like these to help us process our negative emotions when life gets tough or presents challenges can begin to help us break free from the grip of denial and cultivate a more genuine and fulfilling life.

The truth about negative emotions

The truth is that negative emotions are a part of life, and the sooner we accept that, the sooner we can more fully enjoy the really good parts of life. Just like the concepts of yin and yang, you cannot have light without dark.

One overriding principle to any of these techniques is the willingness to move toward a conflict. All the research and resolution are based on this one principle. 

Happiness ≠ wholeness

If there is an inner or outer conflict, moving directly toward it rather than avoiding it is the quickest way to begin the resolution, and not take an emotional detour. Avoidance of a feeling or a situation begins the process of overinvesting in positivity or spiritual bypassing.

Being whole doesn’t mean you can’t be happy.  But trying to only be happy will leave a hole.