Dark Side of Hope: The Dangers of Toxic Positivity
In a world that often seems filled with negativity and despair, it is natural to seek solace in hope and positivity. Hope can be a powerful force that keeps us going, even in the face of adversity. However, there is a dark side to hope that is often overlooked: The phenomenon known as toxic positivity.
What is toxic positivity?
Toxic positivity is the belief that one should only focus on positive emotions and thoughts while suppressing or ignoring any negative feelings. It is the idea that we should always look on the bright side, no matter what challenges we may be facing. While this may seem like a well-intentioned approach to life, it can harm our mental and emotional well-being.
At first glance, toxic positivity may appear harmless. Who wouldn't want to be surrounded by positive energy and uplifting messages?
However, when taken to the extreme, it can invalidate and dismiss the very real struggles and pain that you may be experiencing. By constantly promoting positivity, we create an environment where you feel pressured to hide their true emotions and put on a façade of happiness. This can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and isolation, as you fear being judged or misunderstood if they express anything other than positivity.
What’s the difference between positive psychology and toxic positivity?
Positive psychology is a legitimate field of psychology that focuses on the scientific study of human strengths, well-being, and flourishing. It seeks to understand and promote positive emotions, personal strengths, and factors that contribute to a fulfilling life. Building positivity in your life with hope and resilience is a good practice, but it should not come at the expense of processing negative emotions.
On the other hand, toxic positivity is an unhealthy mindset or behavior characterized by an excessive emphasis on maintaining a positive outlook and suppressing or invalidating negative emotions. It often involves denying or dismissing genuine feelings of distress, which can lead to emotional repression and an unrealistic, unhelpful approach to life's challenges. While positive psychology aims to foster genuine well-being, toxic positivity can be detrimental by avoiding necessary emotional processing and problem-solving.
How it feels to receive toxic positivity
Imagine if you felt really sad that your pet passed away and your best friend said to you, “Hey, look at the bright side. At least you don’t have to buy dog food anymore!” Your friend may feel like he’s being helpful by looking at the bright side, but it most likely wouldn’t land that way. By ignoring your sadness and grief that your pet died, your friend has bypassed the difficult feelings of grief, which can be even harder to deal with than the grief itself. It is important that when we talk to ourselves and to our loved ones about difficult emotions, we show up for those negative emotions and make space for them.
Now imagine if your friend said to you, “I’m really sorry that your pet passed. That must be really hard. How are you feeling right now? Would you like a hug? It’s okay if you need to cry.” How does that feel different from the dog food comment? It may cause you to feel worse temporarily, but it is an important part of expressing our difficult emotions rather than bottling them up. Expressing difficult feelings to a friend or family member can also help bring you both closer. Doing so is an important part of building intimacy in any kind of relationship.
Why it’s important to embrace both the light and the dark
Authentic happiness is not about denying or suppressing negative emotions but rather embracing the full spectrum of human emotions. It is about acknowledging and accepting our feelings, both positive and negative, as a natural part of the human experience. By allowing ourselves to experience and express our emotions fully, we create space for healing and growth. It is through facing and processing our negative emotions that we can truly appreciate and savor the joyous moments in life.
Pushing down negative feelings may seem like a quick fix to avoid discomfort, but in reality, it can have long-term consequences. When we suppress our emotions, they don't simply disappear—they fester and grow, often manifesting in physical symptoms, such as headaches, stomachaches, or even chronic illnesses.
Suppressing negative emotions can hinder our ability to form deep and meaningful connections with others. As said earlier, vulnerability is the key to authentic relationships, and by denying our true emotions, we prevent ourselves from truly connecting with others on a genuine level. Recognizing toxic positivity is the first step towards overcoming its harmful effects. It is important to be aware of the messages we are internalizing and perpetuating, both to ourselves and to others. By questioning the pressure to always be positive, we can begin to dismantle the toxic positivity mindset.
Practicing empathy and active listening
Instead of dismissing or invalidating negative emotions, we can practice empathy and active listening. By creating a safe space for others to express their true feelings, we can foster a culture of authenticity and emotional well-being. It is important for us to be able to be seen, validated, and heard by others—no matter what’s going on emotionally.
Embracing emotional balance means acknowledging and accepting the full range of emotions that make us human. It means allowing ourselves to experience joy, sadness, anger, and everything in between without judgment or shame.
Nurturing a healthy mindset involves practicing self-compassion and self-care. It means allowing ourselves to feel and process our emotions, while also seeking support and guidance when needed. By prioritizing emotional well-being, we can cultivate genuine happiness and resilience in the face of life's challenges.
Summing Up
Toxic positivity—unlike positive psychology—may seem like a harmless approach to life, but it can have detrimental effects on our mental and emotional well-being. By embracing the full spectrum of emotions in ourselves and others—and practicing empathy and self-compassion, we can create a culture of authenticity and emotional balance. Let us strive for genuine well-being, where positivity coexists with vulnerability and emotional growth.
