Nurturing Spiritual Growth Through Positive Psychology

For the past 15 years, I’ve been deeply absorbed in the study, teaching, and practice of positive psychology. Nearly everything in my life has changed during this time, and it has changed radically for the better.

How did this happen?

Putting Out Fires—But No Long-Term Effectiveness

I can point to the science first and foremost. The science behind positive interventions has been nothing short of extraordinary. Fifteen years ago, the idea of harvesting positive emotions such as gratitude from the daily events in your life was a radically new approach. Before this, psychology was only about trying (and failing) to reduce suffering significantly. 

Previously, the research showed that results from previous approaches had only reduced suffering temporarily, and the majority of people who received services with these approaches relapsed. This goes for depression, anxiety, resilience, and cultivating positive relations. In essence, psychology was good about putting out fires—but never good at installing sprinkler systems.

This has all changed. Using relatively simple positive interventions to increase gratitude, kindness, loving-kindness meditation, self-compassion, hope, and optimism, not only did the change in individuals happen, but the change was sustainable.

Fifteen years ago, I was already a psychologist. I specialized in trauma and helping people unpack difficult situations and find new ways of moving through and moving on. But it wasn't until I went through my own trauma that I realized that something more was needed. The psychology field was discovering more tools to increase wellbeing, not just try to reduce suffering. When I began using these new tools, I found them game-changers.  If you are interested in learning more about this transition, check out my TEDx talk.

How Positive Psychology Helps Us Come Out of a Downward Spiral

The tools of positive psychology pulled me out of a tailspin, and I’ve been forever grateful for that. This would have been enough—but there was more to come.

I got my life back, my mood improved, and I felt reasonably good about my day-to-day life.  But I didn’t realize this was only the beginning of the changes. What I didn’t know then but do now is that when you bring more goodness into your life, you invite radical growth. To thrive, you move away from something and simultaneously toward something else. Two distinct forms of energy are influencing your growth. You are pushed and pulled.

I knew a lot about the push. 

Moving away from feeling hopeless, upset, anxious, and sad is natural, and I wanted to do anything to alleviate the suffering. Traditional psychology only had half the formula—alleviating pain, but not being depressed isn’t the same as being happy. 

Imagine you are lost and hungry in the jungle. You fall into quicksand and struggle to get out. Taking away pain is like being pulled out of quicksand.  You are out of that specific danger, but it doesn’t mean you have found something to eat. Traditional psychology got you out of a bad place but didn’t help you thrive.

The tools of positive psychology gave us the means to move away from pain and embrace happiness and well-being. You learn to stay out of the quicksand and eat well. But what happens when more sustainable wellbeing becomes possible, and you easily avoid quicksand? 

You transcend.

Some of the most respected scientists in the field, Scott Barry Kaufman, Lisa Miller, Ken Pargament, Ryan Niemiec, Tal Ben Shahar, and Pninit Russo-Netzer (as well as many others) have been studying and writing about this process from their different perspectives. Somehow, it seems, as you increase your wellbeing, the changes in your life support spiritual growth.

Relational Spirituality: Moving Away from Centering the Ego

At the core of this transition is a shift away from what is only good only for the ego. The principles of positive psychology allow us to feel empowered. Once we learn that we have agency and can control our thoughts, perceptions, feelings, and beliefs, we also feel greater dignity, self-acceptance, forgiveness, and self-compassion for who we are. This not only changes our view of ourselves but of others. We begin to see the dignity in people managing their own struggles and in need of the very things we needed: acceptance, forgiveness, and love. This is the beginning of what is known as relational spirituality.  

Here is where things get interesting. Two scientifically proven responses occur when we awaken to the fact that other people are not very different from ourselves: In relational spirituality, those who become more altruistic and display more “love of neighbor” are more neuroanatomically protected against depression. Amazingly, an area of your brain, the Ventral Frontotemporal Network (VFTN), shows cortical thickness, protecting us against the ravages of depression. 

The Power of Loving and Helping

The bottom line? When you want to love and help others, you are doing the best thing you could be doing for yourself.

Positive psychology continues to lead the changes in psychology by increasing wellbeing and improving quality of life. But it also seems to open the door to spiritual awakening and greater love and appreciation for others. I know from experience that this is true for me.