Lightening the Terrible Weight of Negativity
Overcoming the Landslide of Negativity
The number of thoughts we have per day is reported to be about 6,000. It was previously reported that 80 percent of our thoughts are negative. This leaves most of us with a staggering amount of nearly 5,000 negative thoughts per day. We are creatures of habit and are drawn to the familiar, and if the familiar is negative—negativity will return to our minds over and over again.
Every time you worry about getting something done on time, paying a certain bill, dealing with a difficult person, or worrying about an upcoming deadline, test, or presentation, a pebble is added to the negative side of the balance. If you repeat the thought—as the research suggests we do—you add another pebble. Rumination becomes a landslide of negativity pebbles on your scale.
Negativity is much heavier than positivity
Now imagine you have a positive thought and corresponding feeling. A friend is coming to see you on the weekend, and you are looking forward to it, or a long-awaited check came through. The positive thought and feelings would go on the other side of the seesaw. But, as mentioned, the positive thoughts and feelings wouldn’t be the size of pebbles—or even the size of crushed gravel. They would be feathers you’d be adding to the other side. If the above statistics are true, each day we would put 5,000 pebbles on one side, and about 1,200 feathers on the other.
It’s no contest as to which side is heavier.
Even if the number of positive and negative thoughts were equal, the negative would still outweigh the positive, due to the negativity bias. Because of this, approaches that only limit the number of pebbles we put on the scale don’t work. Four thousand pebbles rather than five thousand won’t create a shift—we’re still going to relapse. But what if we could bring that number of negative thoughts all the way down to 10? Just 10 pebbles a day. Surely that would make us feel better, yes?
Not necessarily. This is like saying that instead of the bullies picking on you seven times a day, versus two. Yes, this is an improvement—but the situation hasn’t really changed, and you remain at risk. It won’t matter how few pebbles you have on the one side if there isn’t a sufficient volume of feathers on the other to outweigh the anxiety, worry, and negativity.
Research has shown that a primary way you can facilitate resilience (successfully adapting to a challenging experience) is by increasing positivity. Reducing worry, anxiety, and negative thinking alone won’t bring about sustainable change.
Positivity Must Outweigh Negativity
Nothing will work until positive thoughts outweigh the negative. Nothing. Take a moment to realize what this means. Stopping negative thoughts isn’t enough to prevent them from returning. The thought bullies are still going to steal your lunch money until they learn they can’t threaten you. Once they know you aren’t threatened—because you have lots of powerful friends, your positive emotional feathers—they lose power over you. Scientists call this shift toward having more hope, empowerment, resilience, and optimism affect balance, because it is the balance shifting toward more positive that will make the difference.
